Inspiration

I am on a Roll

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Spinal Cord Injury Day is celebrated on 5th September every year with the intention of increasing awareness amongst the general public. So this time I decided to do a little writing about my dear friend.

Just to celebrate and join the party.

Spinal cord injury (SCI) awarded me with a very visible disability. Yes, I can’t walk. I rely on a wheelchair to get around. That is kind of obvious, but there is much more than that.

Apart from being paralyzed from nipples down, I also lost control of my bladder and bowel, I have spasticity, sexual dysfunction, long-lasting chronic neuropathic pain, repeatedly fights against UTIs due the daily use of catheters, anxiety, depression and the list goes on and on...

Its sounds pretty shit doesn't it? 

Well, not really. Since SCI showed up in my life (without invitation), I become a much more optimistic person. I am patient, more flexible, more resilient, more aware (specially more aware of death, knowing that shit happens all the time, now I hardly ever take anything for granted), therefore more grateful, more strong, actually much stronger. 

I realized I can do a lot more and I can handle whatever life brings me. I can easily put a Leonard Cohen’s record on and patiently just deal with it. Whatever it might be. I have what it takes to go through any life situation I may encounter in the future.

I am a strong loving-life motherfucker.

Even if I don’t get to do all the stuff I use to do before I got hurt. I am fine with that. And that’s the thing. I am fine. With all the challenges and the setbacks, if you really put it on the 'balance', SCI gave me more than it took. Maybe I am being a bit too positive here but I like to think in that way.

I believe that after my long months of rehabilitation trying to fix my body, which unfortunately has no way to be fixed, not yet at least. I began to try to heal my mind. And it has been an incredible learning journey. SCI immensely contributed to the development of my emotional intelligence. 

I still have a lot to learn but I am on the way, I am a roll. 

I am learning to let my mind accept everything that comes, to rest myself in the uncertainty, no anticipating, no waiting, not expecting.  

I now know that life is, first and foremost, about being fulfilled in as many ways as possible, but mostly to love and to be loved. SCI has deepened my friendships and relationships. 

And because all of that folks, I should thank SCI. I should be grateful. I should celebrate. 

Thank you SCI. Thanks for making me a better man. 

Happy World SCI Day everyone.

With Love, Roddy Xx

 
Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching and has taught me to understand what your heart used to be. I have been bent and broken, but - I hope into a better shape.
— Charles Dickens

Privilege

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ˈpriv(ə)lij/

noun

noun: privilege; plural noun: privileges

  1. 1.a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group of people."education is a right, not a privilege"

singular noun

        2.  You can use privilege in expressions such as be a privilege or have the privilege when you      want to show your appreciation of someone or something or to show your respect.


 

One of the most beautiful things

in life is getting the opportunity to spend time with your loved ones. I had the great privilege to be surrounded by my family these past months while I was recovering from a bladder surgery that I had last February. The privilege of having my old woman bringing me fresh mangos and papaya every morning is by far the best and easiest pill for me to swallow.

The best and most effective treatment. 

I now know that of all the medications, mindfulness and positive thinking I do; the one thing that keeps me going is the love of my family. They were the single most important tool in the box in this whole recovery process and it gives me a tremendous sense of security to know that if something goes wrong, if the shit somehow starts hitting the fan, they will be there to help me out and clean it all up. 

They are f*cking amazing. Really. 

My time has gone full circle down here Brazil and now it's time to go back home, but before that, I just wanted to thank them and say that I’m absolutely honored, blessed, and privileged every day to call them family and to have them around.  

And it is because of them, that I grown, learned and strived to keep kicking the bucket forward, whatever the circumstances. 

I am grateful for these three. 

Here is to all the privileges we have daily folks. The privilege of time, the privilege of love and the privilege of being able to experiment all this. 

Give thanks for all we have and for all the folks we love. 

See ya soon Sverige.

Roddy  Xx

 
The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.
— - Audrey Hepburn -

The Invitation


The "Invitation" is a very beautiful poem that I read somewhere during my rehabilitation. My friends sent me a lot of books, some of them even sent me a shoe box full of it. It was very kind and thoughtful of them as I had plenty of time to read. Some of the books they sent me were about meditation and spirituality. And in one of them I read this:

 

The Invitation

"It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dreams, for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon. I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shriveled and closed from fear of future pain. 

I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy, mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful, to be realistic, to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true.I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accusation of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see beauty even when it's not pretty, every day and if you can source your own life from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure, yours or mine, and still stand on the edge of the lake and shout to the silver of the full moon, "yes!"

It doesn't interest me who you know, or how you came to be here. I want to know if you will stand in the center of the fire with me and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom you have studied. I want to know what sustains you, from the inside, when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone with your and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.” 

by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

 

I always come back to it, it is very inspiring. 

The poem reminds me that I need to make the most of my life. At first, I thought the poem was written as a letter from one person to another but after reading it more than once, it seems to me that it could also be a letter from you to yourself. At least the parts I can understand. That's some deep stuff over there. And I always ask myself; Is it really possible to be honest to ourselves as the poem suggests? In the world we live in?

I have no idea, but we must give it a go.

We must try. 

Roddy X

What’s the point in being alive if you don’t at least try to do something remarkable?
— John Green